Temptation – The secret of lawlessness
While I read this book (an explanation of the book Daniel), I was confused in my faith. I suddenly doubted everything what I had learned in church. Did I, not knowing, heavily sinned against the Lord? I tried to talk to people about these subjects but the fiercely defending their beliefs, and I? I began to feel even worse. I tried to search a conformation of what I was starting to believe. I began to “observe” the Sabbath and Sundays I acted like it was Saturday, but at the same time I was developing a depression by me personal and social problems. The result was that my insecurities progressed and my body felt ill. I began to doubt my environment, the people who did not understand and not willing to understand what I was going through. I never felt so alone in my life as then, (but God was even closer, thanking Him always).
I had trouble to see the value of my life, and death looked like a friend.
Strange but I could not watch TV or do something else nice, It could not hold my interest, but I could only look for God, for his presence. I did that by searching the internet for the truth about all those things. Simultaneously God felt close, as if He understood and wanted to help and comfort, like He always did. For the first time in my life I could only trust God. I received answers to questions I had and received conformation from Him (it felt like that). Gods word had less contradictions than before and I saw the errors in my faith. Because I let go of the pre-programmed religion it became easier to read the bible with an open hart and started to see God for who He really is (His identity I mean, you will understand that when you have read my whole manuscript). Al the pieces of the puzzle fell in the right place. When I visited our church, always something was not quit right, gaping holes in the theory. I don’t have that feeling no more. I now see the lawlessness, laws not followed, and the sacrifice of Yeshua/Jezus, used to bypass that law, because He so called fulfilled the law, so we don’t have to keep it. I did that, do that, and I am horrified by it. When I read the Bible there were contradictions, I don’t experience that any more. Most people have an aversion to what I believe, in the beginning I had a lot of difficulties with that, but it is becoming easier, you learn to live with it.
The more I learned about the truth of the Bible, my depression subsided. I already felt sick and tense for years. When I applied the truth in my life (in a free and relaxed manner, the way the apostles meant) the depression subsided, also thanks to the medication God provided (I tried some 6 antidepressants, nothing worked). Peace I never felt before, after 14 years I never felt more relaxed and happier ever. God has become the most important Person in my life, and His Holy Spirit has never gone away, and I long for the day of his return. When I look back at the last 2-3 years (2 years really depressed), the depression had a cleansing and purified effect on me, but I came out stronger. I thank God.
Like my mental condition revenged itself on my body, as sick you can feel during a depression. I believe we are created be the image of God. Like God we have a soul (the Father), a spirit (Holy Spirit) and a body (Yeshua/Jezus). If God suffers because of our sins, those sins come upon Yeshua/Jezus. Gods Soul suffers enormous because of the sins of the world. What would Yeshua/Jezus have suffered because of that. I only look at my own body, how I felt physical, only because of the suffering of my soul. This fact has touched me deep.
I trust God en believe everything the Bible says is true. Now Gods Word is the only thing that really matters.
Like the Roman catholic church declares: outside the church there is no salvation. I found in the Bible that’s not true. In the Protestant church it is not much different, because be grandmother told me when I was 15 years old: if you do not go to church, you are going to hell.